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Thursday, January 01, 2009

I have a strange sense of humour

Especially, the true inevitabilities of life I tend to look at from a slant: death, taxes ... and, as surely as the sun rises, that spam will find anything accessible on the Internet.

Just as surely, there is a humour to be found here.

Start with a fundamental division between the personal seeking of audience and those intended to generate funds. Go on to a classification of the various broad subtypes and variants: Get-Rich-Quick, Enhancements, Sex-Promises-Through-Initial-and-Ritual-Humiliation. Examine technique, target audience, especially originality. (So many possibilities. So little creativity.)

Taking off every safety valve, every text verification protection: I hereby dedicate this blog to the topic of spam.

Champagne and spam for everyone!

Monday, December 01, 2008

Accounts Receivable Officer Position Open[Work From Your Home]

This one could take in anyone in these times, especially once they start sending cheques to your house: but yes, it is definitely a scam, and the cheques are fake. This is a safe link discussing it. - T

Reply-To:
From: "Hughes Supply, Inc."
Subject: Accounts Receivable Officer Position Open [Work From Your Home]

Hughes Supply, Inc.
20 North Orange Avenue,
Orlando, Florida 32801

Pleasant day,

If you have access to a computer, and have up to three hours spare time per-week. you can get paid, would you like to work part or full time online, and get paid weekly? If yes, then please read carefully.
__________________________________________________ ___________________
ABOUT US
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Hughes Supply, Inc. is a wholesale distributor of a broad range of materials, equipment, and supplies to the construction industry. Their major product lines include electrical, plumbing, and electrical utility equipment; building materials; water and sewer products; heating and air conditioning equipment; and pipes, valves, and fittings.

In fact, in the mid-1990s, Hughes Supply was distributing more than 95,000 different products from 5,000 different manufacturers through over 170 wholesale companies. Major suppliers to Hughes Supply included Rheem, American Standard, Charlotte Pipe, Grinnell, Mueller, and Square "D".
__________________________________________________ ____________________
JOB POSITION
__________________________________________________ _____________________
We are currently seeking part or full time employees for our ever-growing Accounts Receivable Department. Through extensive demographic research, we have discovered a wealth of untapped human resources that, for one reason or another, need the freedom to work from home. If this sounds like you, please read on, and consider becoming part of our company family.

as part of our ongoing Multi Level Marketing Network,we seek capable individuals to work for us as our representative.You can easily make $700-$2000 or more in a week by working for us as Sub-contractor in your geographical location, you will be in charge of collecting payment on behalf of our affiliates and Small business organizations that are registered under us. Does it sounds like your dream job? Well, it certainly for 10,000+current members who are making $700-$2,000 weekly online with this system.

Note that no form of investment of is needed from you and this job will take only 1-3 hours of your time per week.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
JOB RESPONSIBILITY
__________________________________________________ _____________________
The position of Accounts Receivable officer entails the following duties: coordinate payments from our clients, receive payments which come in form of certified checks or united states postal money orders, process payments at your local bank, and forward 90% of funds received to the proper branch office, as instructed. The remaining 10% is your wage. Since this position is need-based, you will have plenty of free time while enjoying a good income.
__________________________________________________ _____________________
RENUMERATION
__________________________________________________ _____________________
Every assignment in form of payment received from clients, you're entitled to 10% which excludes the cost of processing western union to any regional office accountant

Also you get a monthly salary of $1500 which comes at the end of every month, plus other incentives and benefits that accrue, which includes tax holidays.
__________________________________________________ ______________________
INTERESTED APPLICANTS (HOW TO APPLY)
__________________________________________________ ______________________
Interested applicants should reply with full name, full residential address, phone numbers, and email address, so that one of our Human Resource Managers can contact you through email, with an approval letter if the management decides youre a successful candidate. Please specify the best way to contact you in your reply email.

We appreciate your interest in Hughes Supply, Inc.

Michael Armstrong
Human resources manager,
Hughes Supply, Inc.
20 North Orange Avenue,
Orlando, Florida 32801

Monday, October 01, 2007

RSG!

Random Spam Generator

Saturday, September 01, 2007

But the kender already had

T-h-i s g.e,m is rea-lly mov.able!+!

T+h'i*s o n'e is rea,lly pr ofit+able!!!


H_a*v.e y*o+u b-e_e*n w,.atching t'h'i,s f-o r t-h e l a*s-t w.e.e*k_?


T*a-k+e a l'o*o.k at it:

r'ecent n*e w+s r.elea,ses s*e*n,t generat-i,ng gr*owing inter,e_st in
C*Y_T'V



C*o-mpany: C.HINA YO.UTV C_O,R_P (*O-T'C BB,:CYTV.O,B)


S t o c k: C'Y,T,V
C'urrent Pric,e: $..*4*9
4_t h Straig ht d.a y s we h.a v,e s.e_e-n t.h+i*s climb-. (+S-e_e
Ya+hoo Char't--New N e_w*s rele ase)






T,h*i.s o.n_e h.a.s h'a_d n*i'c.e retur'ns f+o.r i_nv+estors o v.e'r
t-h,e sum-mer, and

n*o-w sho.ws promis-e to beg in a seco nd w*a+v.e of return_s.

K_e*e'p a e_y'e o-u t agai'n on Wed*ne*sday A,u+g 15..._.

ALPAR-I D*a't.a Serv*er f'o r Omeg*a GlobalSe_rve+r.
T'h+e structu+r'e cont ain.s t'h-e fo'llowing-.

M,e'n a*n-d Myrdd_ra.al st_iff ened wher*e t*h'e,y stood,.

Med,eci.ne pr'ati-que (P*aris, 17*85), t.

Remove-s t+h*e o_bject f_r o m t_h.e sel*-ection.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Norton S0FTWARE = Save $-$ and the environment!

No packing material, no CD, use electronic manuals.
DownIoad Jul 28 12:26:55 MSK 2007 & save_75-90 percent.
Here is a few of our Norton 0ffers:

AD0BE:
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+M0RE...start@ 39$
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A11 Iatest XP titles - 0ffice 2007, XP, Vlsta +M0RE...start@ 39$
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Qulckbooks 2007, Aut0CAD 2008, N0rton 360 +M0RE...start@ 29$

http://potapsoftonline.net/
of its unburned pine woods, seemed the least hurt of any place along
"Why, of course; but this is the most wonderful of all! I never
incensed at the idea that anyone had dared to meddle with the
and stared at me in that uncertain doubt that follows dreams.
Having said thus much, I feel no doubt of your secrecy. My
descend in order to pass round the precipice and the steep slope; we
``In my opinion, the younger son of an Earl can know very
and Jacqueline nestled down beside me, and we looked at each other and
"What the dickens are they like?" asked the lieutenant.
Park district and St. Pancras, and westward and northward in Kilburn
overcome her abhorrence of the man. But whether she were

Thursday, February 01, 2007

HSN INTERNATIONAL PRIZE DEPARTMENT

De Ruyterkade 432 1271 DF Amsterdam
The Netherlands,

Ref Number:829/0971/hsn
Batch Number:hsn/842/69/55
Email Address: hsngroupinfor@aol.com

Sir/Madam,
We are pleased to inform you of our recent concluded HSN INTERNATIONAL LOTTERY PRIZE AWARD held 10th januray 2007.You were entered as dependent client with serial number 447-211-91 that drew the lucky winning number 889-316-hsn, which consequently won the lottery in the 2nd category.
As a result of this, you are therefore been approved to claim a total sum of 350,000(THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND EURO) in cash credited to security file number 306-314-hsn.
The selection process was carried out through random selection in our computerize email selection system(ESS) from a database of over 250,000 email addresses drawn from all the contintents of the world which you were selected.Due to mixed up of some names and addresses, we ask that you keep this award personal, till your claim has been processed and your funds remitted to you. This is part of our security measures to avoid double claiming or unwarranted participants or imposters, taking advantage of the situation.
In view of this, your winning sum of 350,000 (THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND EURO) would be released to you by our payment/representatives in your preferred mode of payment.
To file in for your claim, contact our claim agents with the formation below,

Names:Mr Benson Joost
Tel:+31-620-282-459
contact email: hsngroupinfor@aol.com

Remember all winning must be claim not later than 25th of January 2007. After this date , all uncliamed funds will be included in the next stake. Please note in order to avoid unnecessary delays and commplications please remember to quote your Refernce number, Batch number and Serial number with your winning lucky number.
Furthermore should there be any change of address do inform our agent as soon as possible.
Note:Anybody under the age of 18 is automatically disqualified, congratulation once more from our members and staff being part of our promotional program

Best Regard
Mrs Liesbeth Wouter
online co-ordinator
Email Address:hsngroupinfor@aol.com

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

DEER TICK ALERT - PLEASE READ!

I hate people that forward too many warnings as much as anyone, but this one is important! Send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list!

If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around, do not do it! IT IS A SCAM; they only want to see you naked.

I wish I'd gotten this yesterday.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Spam festival footage

Austin, Minnesota, United States: July 2006.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Notification of limited account access

PayPal is committed to maintaining a safe environment for its community of customers. To protect the security of your account, PayPal employs some of the most advanced security systems in the world and our anti-fraud teams regularly screen the PayPal system for unusual activity.

We are contacting you to remind you that on May 30 2006 our Account Review Team identified some unusual activity in your account. [small point here: this piece of spam-mail was received on May 24.] In accordance with PayPal's User Agreement and to ensure that your account has not been compromised, access to your account was limited. Your account access will remain limited until this issue has been resolved.

To secure your account and quickly restore full access, we may require some additional information from you for the following reason:

We have been notified that a card associated with your account has been reported as lost or stolen, or that there were additional problems with your card.

This process is mandatory, and if not completed within the nearest time your account or credit card may be subject for temporary suspension.

To securely confirm your PayPal information please click on the link bellow:

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=login-run

We encourage you to log in and perform the steps necessary to restore your account access as soon as possible. Allowing your account access to remain limited for an extended period of time may result in further limitations on the use of your account and possible account closure.

For more information about how to protect your account please visit PayPal Security Center. We apologize for any incovenience this may cause, and we apriciate your assistance in helping us to maintain the integrity of the entire PayPal system.

Thank you for using PayPal!
The PayPal Team

Monday, May 01, 2006

Only the wisest and the stupidest of men never change

Hey!

nifed[dot]com

----
Petersburg official and public news. After dinner he spent half an hour with his guests, and again, with a smile, pressed his wife's hand, withdrew, and drove off to the council. Anna did not go out that evening either to the Princess Betsy Tverskaya, who, hearing of her return, had invited her, nor to the theater, where she had a box for that evening. She did not go out principally because the dress she had reckoned upon was not ready. Altogether, Anna, on turning, after the departure of her guests, to the consideration of her attire, was very much annoyed. She was generally a mistress of the art of dressing well without great expense, and before leaving Moscow she had given her dressmaker three dresses to transform. The dresses had to be altered so that they could not be recognized, and they ought to have been ready three days before. It appeared that two dresses had not been done at all, while the other one had not been altered as Anna had intended. The dressmaker came to explain, declaring that it would be better as she had done it, and Anna was so furious that she felt ashamed when she thought of it afterwards. To regain her serenity completely she went into the nursery, and spent the whole evening with her son, put him to bed herself, signed him with the cross, and tucked him up. She was glad she had not gone out anywhere, and had spent the evening so well. She felt so light-hearted and serene, she saw so clearly that all that had seemed to her so important on her railway journey was only one of the common trivial incidents of fashionable life, and that she had no reason to feel ashamed before anyone else or before herself. Anna sat down at the hearth with an English novel and waited for her husband. Exactly at half-past nine she heard his ring, and he came into the room. "Here you are at last!" she observed, holding out her hand to

Saturday, April 01, 2006

The 3rd Annual Nigerian EMail Conference

"Write better emails. Make more moneys."



I am Mr. Laurent Mpeti Kabila, a senior assistant leader of the Revolutionary United Front of Sierra Leone.

I present to you an urgent and confidential request: I request your attendance at The 3rd Annual Nigerian EMail Conference. This is an excellent opportunity to meet your distinguished colleagues, learn new marketing techniques, and spend your hard-earned money. Attending this conference demands the highest trust, security and confidentiality between us.
Dates: November 7 - 9, 2003
Location: Abuja Sheraton Hotel & Casino
Registration Fee: $995 per person
Like most Nigerians, you're probably finding that it's increasingly difficult to earn a decent living from email. That's why you need to attend the 3rd Annual Nigerian EMail Conference.

"This conference is an investment in your future. Learn to take advantage of modern technology, and make a great deal of money with very little effort. If you have any question, please contact me and I will send you a proposal that may be of interest to you. I await your response by return while assuring you that the transaction is absolutely risk free."

- Dr. Collins Mbadiwe

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

All men, except a Holy Father and a Reverend, please take notice!

/
AFTER YOU READ THIS MESSAGE, YOU'LL SURPRISE AND REALIZE THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE TAKEN ROUGHLY, AND SO, YOU'LL EXAMINE YOURSELF AGAIN.

BUT, ANYWAY, I'M SURE THAT THE READING WILL MAKE YOU FRUITFUL.

DIDN'T YOU TAKE YOUR TESTICLES ROUGHLY WHEN YOU ENJOYED HOTBATH, SAUNA, HOTSHOWER, FAR-INFRARED RAYS? NEWSPAPER SAYS THAT THE TESTICLES OF THE WORKERS AROUND THE KILM, FURNACE, OVEN AND MELTING TANK ARE WEAKEN SLOWLY DAY BY DAY.

DOCTORS ARE WARNING THAT TESTICLES OF THOSE DRIVERS FOR TAXI, BUS, TRUCK.... ARE GETTING WEAKER AND THEIR SPERMATOZOA IS FACED WITH SERIOUS DAMAGE OR DEATH AS THEY STAY OR WORK IN HIGH TEMPERATURE.

SPERMATOZOA IS PRECIOUS SEED FOR YOUR OFFSPRING IN FURTHER FUTURE.

THEREFORE, I STRONGLY SUGGEST THAT ALL MEN, EXCEPT A HOLY FATHER AND A REVEREND, SHOULD WEAR SAUNA PANTS WHEN THEIR TESTICLES ARE FACED WITH HEATING.

PLEASE, LISTEN TO THE SEED'S CRYING CAUSED BY PAINFUL THERMAL SHOCK!

IT'S A VERY NICE THERMAL INSULATION TO WEAR COOL AND CHILLY PANTS, WE CALL "SAUNA PANTS", FOR EVERY MEN WHO WANT TO PROTECT THEIR TESTICLES FROM THERMAL SHOCK WHILE THEY ARE TAKING A HOT BATH, SAUNA, HOTSHOWER, FAR-INFRARED RAYS AND WORKING IN THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF HIGH TEMPERATURE.

GENERALLY, WHEN MEN TAKE A HOT BATH THEY FEEL SO GOOD WITH NAKED BODY, BUT FROM NOW ON, THEY SHOULD WEAR SAUNA PANTS.

IN KOREA, OLD MEN SAY THAT THE SWEET BOY SHOULD BROUGHT UP AS CHILLY AS POSSIBLE. FRANKLY SPEAKING, I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANT WHEN I WAS YOUNG, BUT NOW I REALIZE THAT IT MEANS THE HEALTH OF THE TESTICLES AND SPERMATOZOA.

IN A POINT OF VIEW OF MEDICAL SCIENCE, THE REPRODUCTION ABILITY OF THE TESTICLES GOES DOWN SHARPLY AND THE LIVES OF SPERMATOZOA ARE FACED WITH DEATH AS THE TEMPERATURE GOES UP, AS A RESULT, THE PRECIOUS BOY, TREATING HIS TESTICLE AS HOT, WILL HAVE SOME TROUBLES IN HAVING A BABY IN THE FUTURE.

IT IS WELL KNOWN MEDICAL TREATMENT FOR A MAN OF STERILITY THAT APPLYING A ICE PACK REPEATEDLY ON THE SCROTUM.

AS YOU KNOW WELL, THERE ARE A LOT OF PROVES OF KEEPING A TESTICLE COLD FOR THE IMPROVEMENT OF MEN'S HEALTH BASED ON SCIENTIFIC EXPERIMENTS SUCH AS USING FROZEN SPERMATOZOA FOR MAKING A BABY AFTER THAWING IT, AN ICE PACK TREATMENT ON THE SCROTUM FOR STERILE MEN, THE FACT THAT A TESTICLE, WHOSE SURFACE IS COVERED WITH CRUMPLED SKIN FOR THE FUNCTION OF TEMPERATURE CONTROL, IS LOCATED ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE BODY AND SO ON.

IN SUMMERTIME YOU CAN SEE THE TESTICLES OF THE OXEN HUNG DOWN AT A FARM VILLAGE.

THE DESCRIPTIONS WHICH I WROTE ABOVE ARE THE GOOD EXAMPLES THAT TESTICLES SHOULD BE KEPT COLD.

BUT TODAY, MEN ENJOY A HOT BATH FOR RELAXING, OVERCOMING A HOT SEASON AS A TRADITIONAL WAY, FOR A SLEEP, AND THE BATH OF FAR-INFRARED RAYS FOR THEIR HEALTH.

BUT DURING THEIR ENJOYMENT OF THE HOT BATH, THEIR TESTICLES ARE WEAKENED SLOWLY DAY BY DAY.

ON THE OTHER HAND, WE SHOULD PAY ATTENTION TO THE WORKERS IN THE INDUSTRY SITE.
THE TESTICLES OF WORKERS AROUND THE HEAT FACILITIES, LIKE IRON MANUFACTURING PLANT, GLASS MELTING PLANT, CEMENT KILN, AND TILE FURNACE ETC., WILL BE WEAKENED DAY BY DAY IF THEY DON'T TAKE CARE OF IT.

AS ONE OF EXPERTS GRADUATED FROM TECHNICAL UNIVERSITY, AND AN ENGINEER, HAVING A CAREER OF 20 YEARS IN THERMAL INSULATION SECTION, AT LAST I DESIGNED AND MANUFACTURED SAUNA PANTS FOR PROTECTING THE SEED OF THE MEN WHO ENJOYING HOT BATH, SAUNA, AND FOR THE MEN WHO WORKING AROUND THE HEAT FACILITIES.

VARIOUS KIND OF DESIGNED PANTS ARE APPLIED FOR THE PATENT AUTHORITIES AS NO.1100506567047 AND NO.1100538158251 AND ACCORDING TO THE INTERNATIONAL LAW OF PATENT, OUR COMPANY CAN CLAIM THE RIGHT OF THESE GOODS PRIOR TO ANY ONE.

AT NOW, I AM PRODUCING ONE KIND OF SAMPLES WHICH ONE OF THE VARIOUS MODEL.

I AM SURE THESE PANTS WILL BE NECESSITIESS FOR ALL MEN.

IF A WOMAN BUY THESE GOODS AS THE PRESENT TO HER LOVER, SHE MAY BE MORE LOVED BY HER LOVER.

EACH HOME, HOT SPRING PLACE, HOT BATH PLACE, HOTEL, SAUNA PLACE, AND THE WORKERS AT HEAT FACILITIES ARE PROVIDED WITH SAUNA PANTS IN THE NEAR FUTURE.

YES, IT IS TOO BIG BUSINESS FOR ONE COMPANY TO DO.

SO, I SEEK FOR SOME BUSINESS PARTNERS WHO PRODUCE / SELL TO THE DOMESTIC/ ABROAD MARKET.

http://saunapants.co.kr

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Welcome to Monty Python's Daily Llama

by Hans ten Cate (Monday, 11 September 1995)

Welcome to the Monty Python's Daily Llama, an electronic fanzine celebrating the life and works of the one and only Monty Python. Uhm, make that the six and only Monty Python.

There are other fanzines out there, to be sure. Some of them even electronic... there's Dan Fisher's "Monty Python's Flying eZine" [now defunct] which is a fun e-mail-based newsletter, (however, I haven't heard from him in a while, are you out there, Dan?). There's also the wonderful "Britcomedy Digest" produced by Melinda Casino and James Kew, which is absolutely fabulous! Of course don't forget the alt.fan.monty-python newsgroup and the newsgroup's homepage (which has many Monty Python links), maintained by Bonni Hall.

First let me clear up a few things right off the bat, as I'm sure there's bound to be some misconceptions about this publication. The "Daily Llama" is, in fact, not daily at all. Sorry. I'd be lucky to make the bugger a monthly feature, but I will do my darnest to bring new and interesting facts to your electronic doorstep as soon as I finish my lunch ...
WARNING: this newsletter is not about, or in any way related to, the Dalai Lama, the titular head of Tibetan Buddhism. Except for this bit. Nor is it a tribute to Spanish painter Salvador Dali and soap actor Lorenzo Lamas. Nor does it actually contain anything particularly interesting about llamas (genus camel no-humpus). So, whats left, do you say? Well Monty Python of course! And the six silly fellows who founded this wonderful brand of comedy.
We hope that you find this first issue the best and most illuminating reading you've ever had in the last five minutes. I've chosen only a few topics to write about this time (I have a life too, you know), but more is already underway.

This would also be a good time to recruit willing contributors to the newsletter. Anyone out there have anything particularly interesting or fun to share about Monty and his Python's? Send us an email!

Sunday, January 01, 2006

The spam skit

Scene: A cafe. One table is occupied by a group of Vikings wearing horned helmets. Whenever the word "spam" is repeated, they begin singing and/or chanting. A man and his wife enter. The man is played by Eric Idle, the wife is played by Graham Chapman (in drag), and the waitress is played by Terry Jones, also in drag.

Man: You sit here, dear.
Wife: All right.
Man: Morning!
Waitress: Morning!
Man: Well, what've you got?
Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam;
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam ...
Waitress: ... spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam ...
Vikings: Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!
Waitress: ... or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.
Wife: Have you got anything without spam?
Waitress: Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.
Wife: I don't want ANY spam!
Man: Why can't she have egg bacon spam and sausage?
Wife: THAT'S got spam in it!
Man: Hasn't got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it?
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam ... [Crescendo through next few lines]
Wife: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then?
Waitress: Urgghh!
Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like spam!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up! [Vikings stop] Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam.
Wife: I don't like spam!
Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam beaked beans spam spam spam and spam!
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.
Man: Well could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress: You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam ... [but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words]
Vikings [Singing elaborately] : Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!

Hear it in RealAudio!


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